Taser tide turning in Canada as U.S. drowns in ignorance

The disparity between Canadians' awareness and that of Americans about the deadly concoction of police and Taser guns is staggering.

As hundreds of bodies pile up here in the United States, last Tuesday "the (British Columbia) government took a crucial step towards establishing an independent, civilian-led, office to investigate any serious incidents involving police."

The U.S. has two things going against it when it comes to the emerging public safety threat posed by Tasers.

The first is our collective anti-crime stance born of classic Republican propaganda. Before 9/11 and the subsequent War on Terrorism, Republican politicians used crime to scare voters. Richard Nixon initiated the War on Crime, which eventually complimented Ron Reagan's War on Drugs during the crack epidemic of the 1980s and then paid political dividends for George H.W. Bush. All these jackals needed to do was terrify white voters with crime.

For example, to win the presidency in 1988, Bush Sr. simply exploited white America's fear of minorities with scary black killer Willie Horton. That was the nail in the coffin for challenger Mike Dukakis; it was just a matter of convincing Americans to equate black folks with criminals, which half of them probably already did anyhow. White America has always been afraid of black people rising up and revolting; it's a sentiment as old as the days of slavery.

In other words, in America we love our police and side with them almost no matter what. Whoever opposes the police is automatically perceived as a criminal who deserves the punishment they get. It's a belief system ingrained in our national DNA. We Americans love our guns, and police are seen as the brave gunmen who protect us.

After the Rodney King beating in 1991, it was pretty obvious that most white folks sided with the L.A. police and vice versa; and if that's not accurate, I'm sure it was by the time of the L.A. riots the following year, and certainly after the O.J. Simpson murders.

The second obstacle we face in this country regarding government-sanctioned Taser torture is our general ignorance, which has allowed a frivolous context to permeate the unknown Taser problem in our society. Taser victims are punchlines; the whole thing is a joke. Show a random American on the street footage of a man being shocked with a Taser, and I guarantee the result will be laughter.

Tasers have been a joke in America ever since our first nationally televised Tasering, that of University of Florida student Andrew Meyer who acted a little obnoxious, refusing to hand over the microphone at a John Kerry forum in Sept. 2007. Meyer didn't exactly earn anyone's sympathy; he was seen as a rabble rouser who deserved what he got. His unheeded plea ("Don't Tase me, bro!") immediately entered the national lexicon and became a viral joke coast to coast.

It will surely take a more vulnerable character than Meyer, and definitely a more dead one, to change the way we as a country perceive the problem. Unfortunately, it's going to take the death of a young, elderly, or disabled person plastered on the airwaves before the American public understands the depth of the problem.

Steve Consalvi, the 17-year-old kid that was Tasered for running onto the field during a Phillies playoff game in May, 2010, would have no doubt created a perfect national moment of reckoning if he had died in front of a ballpark full of fans. If ever there was a clear-cut case of a lazy officer's life not being threatened by the person he ends up Tasering (the supposed standard for Taser use by police), that was it.

So not only do we lack that Rodney King moment, but Tasers are used for gags in our entertainment, which only reinforces the idea that they are silly slapstick props that make people convulse for our amusement.

But it kind of makes sense. There's no denying the violence involved in a ruthless beating, stabbing or shooting. In the case of the former, overwhelming force is evident from how hard the aggressors have to work; Taser attacks are the exact opposite since police can introduce overwhelming force with the push of a button while acting casual. There's no mistaking the seriousness of shootings and stabbings because a bloody scene leaves no doubt, but witnesses to Taser attacks don't necessarily see the obvious signs of violence apart from the screaming. Police don't even have to lay a hand on the subject.

Tasers are so new and extraordinary that people can't tell how brutal they are. So it's somewhat understandable why Tasers have become synonymous with entertainment. For example, 2009's summer blockbuster The Hangover used the weapon for comedic effect.

In the movie, the characters played by Ed Helms, Brad Cooper and Zach Galifianakis each get Tasered by elementary school students, and for their amusement. Helms' character is drive-stunned in the neck just before Cooper's character is Tasered "right in the nuts!" And for the grand finale, Galifianakis' character is Tasered in the face and then drive-stunned in the neck before a flock of laughing school kids. The movie became the highest grossing R-rated comedy of all time.

This Tasertainment obviously only further reinforces the notion that Tasers are hilarious and harmless. That is a deadly misleading message, especially for young people who haven't even had their first encounter with police yet. They didn't even have to be among the throngs of people who saw The Hangover to receive that misinformation because a clip from the Taser scene was included in the movie's preview commercials. And this is just one example.

Canada, on the other hand, is years ahead of us. The main reason they understand the threat more is because they've already had their Rodney King Taser incident.

In Oct. 2007, Polish immigrant Robert Dziekanski died of a heart attack just minutes after being Tasered by Royal Canadian Mounted Police (RCMP) at Vancouver International Airport. The unnecessary Taser attack was caught on video and, once nationally televised, galvanized the country against Tasers. It no doubt happened a little easier there than it would here since Canadians don't assume--as we generally do--that anyone who encounters police must be a criminal deserving of what he or she gets. But nevertheless, they woke up.

The most comprehensive anti-Taser work is being done by our northern neighbors. For instance, Excited-Delirium.com is perhaps the most vast and intelligent anti-Taser resource, and Patti Gillman's website features the world's only known compiled list of Taser victims. (Patti's brother was Canada's seventh Taser death in 2004).

Despite Canadians' growing awareness, the RCMP have been involved in more highly publicized Taser incidents since then, including the Tasering of an 11-year-old in B.C. just last month.

Although Canada's Taser death toll is only 18 percent of what ours is, the public there seems to react to every incident whereas in the States it's not even national news.

For a little perspective, last week I heard that a South Carolina police officer was sentenced to more than five years in prison for breaking a detained man's leg with 27 whacks of his baton. That's right: 1 broken leg = five years imprisonment; 600+ lives = still working and drinking beer on the weekend.

Just as the U.S. could learn a thing or two about defending against terrorism from Israel, B.C.’s new program that thwarts the highly corruptible scenario in which police investigate themselves after an incident would be a wise adoption for us, and the sooner the better. Until then, comply or die.

I'm just sayin'.

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(Monday, May 16, 2011, was the 18-month anniversary of my friend Matt's death. He died after being excessively Tasered by police in his home in Nov. 2009; as of now he is #565 on Patti's list of North American Taser victims.)

Exit Stage Radical Right

Welp, send in the clowns. Or, in this case, send out the clown.

Glenn Beck and Fox News announced last week that Beck's insane, paranoid, apocalyptic rantings will no longer be televised.

This is good news for America's collective sanity.

Of Mosques and Morons

The United States government took unprecedented action today and proved once and for all that we do negotiate with terrorists after all.

With the clock ticking and only a little over 48 hours to work with, this afternoon Secretary of Defense Bob Gates called a dopey, unknown pastor in Florida to try to persuade him to cancel his plans to burn Qurans.

At 6pm this Saturday—the ninth anniversary of the September 11 terrorist attacks—a confused looking guy who calls himself Pastor Terry Jones plans to burn a couple hundred copies of Islam's holy book at the site of his “church” in Gainesville, Fla., as a means to “confront terrorism,” and, most importantly, spread the message.

“We do not want to become like Europe—that’s the message,” Jones said today in a rambling statement to a throng of reporters now assembled at his ironically-named Dove World Outreach Center in Gainesville.

But mainly it seems like he just wants to piss off all Muslims everywhere.

Jones has repeatedly said nothing will stop him from going through with his plan, but hinted in at least one statement to the press that a direct call from the White House, State Department, or Pentagon just might change his mind. That or direct orders from God, of course.

The White House and the Pentagon, figuring they had nothing to lose, took a shot and placed a call—essentially negotiating with a mad man.

Jones—a former hotel manager and author of “Islam is of the Devil”—resembles your average aging Harley Davidson enthusiast with his weathered face, silver handlebar mustache, and loaded sidearm. He looks a lot like Jed Clampett from The Beverly Hillbillies, except he wears a suit in front of the cameras in a weak and ultimately futile effort to legitimize himself.

Although it is unclear if Jones' few dozen followers represent a church or a cult, it doesn’t matter much now that the television cameras are amassed in their front yard. It’s actually kind of amazing—like a Field of Dreams soapbox. If you build it, they will come--the “it” being a hateful book-burning ceremony, and the “they” being scores of journalists and TV people from every corner of the globe.

Both the Obama administration and the Pentagon are concerned about the impact that images of kooky-lookin’ Americans burning Qurans would have around the world, and specifically what blowback our troops in Muslim countries could face.

THIS WEEK

The week began with two days of angry protests on the streets of Kabul where Afghans chanted, “Death to America!” and burned American flags.

On Tuesday the top U.S. commander in Afghanistan Gen. David Petraeus told ABC News, “It puts our soldiers in jeopardy very likely. And I think, in fact, images from such activity could very well be used by extremists here and around the world.”

And that is when this story exploded.

A statement came out of Iran saying that Muslims can’t be held accountable for their insane actions when they go absolutely apeshit on Saturday.

“We advise Western countries to prevent the exploitation of freedom of expression to insult religious sanctities, otherwise the emotions of Muslim nations cannot be controlled,” warned foreign ministry spokesman Ramin Mehmanparast.

And the predictably chaotic and bloody reaction seems to be exactly what Jones is hoping for.

"Of course it's insulting, of course it's not a nice thing to do," Jones said on ABC News Nightline yesterday. "But this is a very dangerous religion. If we don't do it, when do we stop backing down?"

Of course, Jones seems completely ignorant to the fact that he’s playing right into the hands of al Qaeda and America’s biggest enemies by attacking Islam this way.

Yesterday Secretary of State Hillary Clinton said, "It is regrettable that a pastor in Gainesville, Florida, with a church of no more than 50 people can make this outrageous and distrustful, disgraceful plan and get the world's attention, but that's the world we live in right now," Clinton said.

Despite the condemnation of his plans by everyone, Democrats and Republicans alike, Jones seems committed to burning Islam’s holy book before the world Saturday.

TODAY’S TIMELINE

Despite wanting to stay on message about his well-received economic speech in Cleveland yesterday in which he started applying pressure to specific GOP leaders, even President Obama was forced to weigh in on the crazy Florida pastor today on ABC’s Good Morning America.

“If he's listening, I hope he understands that what he's proposing to do is completely contrary to our values as Americans, that this country has been built on the notion of freedom and religious tolerance,” Obama said. “And as a very practical matter, I just want him to understand that this stunt that he is talking about pulling could greatly endanger our young men and women who are in uniform."

"Look, this is a recruitment bonanza for al-Qaeda. You could have serious violence in places like Pakistan and Afghanistan. This could increase the recruitment of individuals who would be willing to blow themselves up in American cities or European cities,” Obama said.

FBI agents visited Jones and presumably warned him of any threats to his life that they are aware of, and have begun beefing up security at the Dove World Outreach Center, and around Gainesville in general, in preparation for any violence.

The afternoon kicked off with Department of Defense spokesman Geoff Morrell fielding reporters’ questions at the White House press briefing.

“We want to make sure every measure is taken to avoid this potentially inflammatory situation,” Morrell said. “It is a very real concern for us.”

A couple hours later, the State Department issued a travel warning for Americans abroad who could find themselves kidnapped and beheaded in a couple days depending on where they are.

Midway through the afternoon, Republican House Minority Leader John Boehner offered a weird half-condemnation of Jones’ proposed Quran burning in which he made the case that burning a Quran is no more distasteful than building a Mosque near Ground Zero.

“To Pastor Jones and those who want to build the Mosque,” Boehner said, “Just because you have a right to do something in America, does not mean it's the right thing to do. We're a nation of religious freedom—we're also a nation of tolerance. I think in the name of tolerance, people ought to really think about the kind of actions they're taking.”

Tea Party mascot Sarah Palin’s statement followed, and like an underachieving teenager who borrows a friend’s homework to copy down the answers before class, her message mirrored Boehner’s exactly: The desecration of a holy book is equivalent to the creation of a place of worship, she said.

“Book burning is antithetical to American ideals,” Palin’s statement read. “People have a constitutional right to burn a Quran if they want to, but doing so is insensitive and an unnecessary provocation – much like building a Mosque at Ground Zero.”

Around 4pm, Secretary Gates called Jones. One hour later, Jones walked out of his church, faced the cameras again, and announced that Saturday’s Quran-burning festivities had been canceled because some kind of deal had been struck between his meager group and the one headed by Imam Feisal Abdul Rauf trying to build an Islamic Community Center and Mosque in Manhattan.

“The imam has agreed to move the Mosque; we have agreed to cancel the event Saturday,” Jones said.

“We have been in contact with the imam in New York City,” Jones said. “I will be flying up on Saturday to meet with the imam at the Ground Zero Mosque. He has agreed to move the location.”

Which was total bullshit! Jones either made it up—which isn’t an option because he’s clearly not that bright—or was inspired by GOP leaders who synthetically linked the two stories just a couple hours earlier.

"Our thought was the American people do not as a whole want the Mosque at Ground Zero,” Jones told reporters today. “If they were willing to cancel the Mosque at the Ground Zero location, or if they were willing to move that location, we would consider that a sign from God.”

“We are, of course, now against any other group burning Qurans, obviously..”

Oh, but of course. Obviously. Duh.

Immediately after Jones’ 5pm press briefing, news organizations scrambled to verify whether a deal had been made between Jones and Imam Rauf and quickly concluded that Imam Rauf’s people knew nothing about it.

Before long, Imam Rauf issued a statement confirming that no agreement had been made, and no negotiations with Jones had taken place, adding that he was "surprised" by the announcement of a deal.

“I am glad that Pastor Jones has decided not to burn any Qurans. However, I have not spoken to Pastor Jones,” Imam Rauf said.

“We are not going to toy with our religion or any other. Nor are we here to barter. We are here to extend our hand to build peace and harmony,” he said.

The property developer also denied that any deal had been struck.

“The Muslim community center called Park51 in lower Manhattan is not being moved,” read a statement issued by SoHo Properties. “The project will proceed as planned.”

Sure enough, the last time I saw Jones on TV, he was hunched inside the back of a New York City cab on Saturday night looking like a mental asylum escapee on the verge of panicking without his meds—a man who had traveled all the way to the Big Apple and packed nothing but his delusions.

FAIR AND BOUNCED

Ironically, Fox News—who, along with other conservative commentators, fanned the flames of anti-Islamic sentiment that directly led to people freaking out about a Mosque in Manhattan and no doubt inspired Pastor Jones to concoct his gimmicky threat in the first place—refused to cover the Gainesville sideshow.

No news network should have let a half-baked hick like Jones hijack the airwaves to threaten to piss off one billion people for minutes, let alone days. But it’s hard for me to give Fox News credit on ethical grounds when they created the whole retarded mess.

A CONCESSION

I enjoy seeing so-called religious, family values politicians fuck up, squirm, make asses out of themselves, and turn out to be flaming hypocrites. I'm equally repulsed by religious extremists of any ilk and enjoy watching them come unraveled and turn out to be sick freaks like the rest of us.

So my joy isn't limited to Muslims acting like lunatics, although I am definitely amused when they freak out in violent rage over something we in the West view as insignificant, such as an artist's satirical rendering of Muhammad.

There's something genuinely funny about sexually repressed religious people taking to the streets, forming angry mobs and destroying their own communities because a guy on the other side of the world created art that they hate.

Free people cannot relate on any level to people whose very sense of humor is shackled. Westerners find that notion as absurd as many Muslims do our apparent insensitivity.

But a hateful provocation on live international television is not the way to go. The smaller and sillier the provocation, the funnier the insane reaction is.

There's a smart, clever way to get irrational Muslims all bent out of shape over nothing at all, like when Comedy Central aired an episode of South Park earlier this year with a timid-voiced Muhammad dressed in a bear costume. The bear costume was a way to avoid actually depicting Muhammad, which is unofficially off-limits ever since the 2005 Danish cartoons uproar, but it still pissed off plenty of Muslims just the same.

In an interview shortly before that episode aired in April, Matt Stone, co-creator of South Park, addressed the double standard that's existed in Western media since 2005. South Park had already depicted Muhammad free of censorship in a 2001 episode, which airs on re-runs all the time to this day without problems or censorship.

"It was before the Danish cartoon controversy so it somehow is fine," Stone said of South Park's 2001 depiction of Muhammad. "And then after that, now that’s the new normal. Like, we lost. You know what I mean? Something that was okay is now not okay and that’s just fucked up."

"That’s a big problem, when you have, like, The New York Times and Comedy Central and Viacom basically just pussing out on it," Stone said. "It’s sad; it’s just sad. I was, like, really sad about the whole thing."

There's a big difference between pissing off the entire Muslim world just to achieve that end, because you're a scumbag who watches too much Glenn Beck, and trying to gain back freedom of expression that's being lost due to successful terrorism.

When Secretary Gates called Pastor Jones, he successfully negotiated with a terrorist insofar as the guy was threatening to cause immediate harm to America's image and troops, and all that was avoided.

Comedy Central, on the other hand, rolls out the red carpet and caters to those who threaten South Park's creators with death threats, despite the fact that Stone and co-creator Trey Parker aren't concerned about their safety.

If Comedy Central were an airline company with a hijacked aircraft, they would refuel the plane, give the terrorists more ransom than they wanted, cocaine and escorts they didn't request, free vouchers for future travel, and allow them to fly off into the sunset with all the passengers still on board, doomed to die.

It's total bullshit that a bunch of people throwing a tantrum on the other side of the world like whiny adolescent bitches, over freedoms they can't even begin to comprehend, can control and censor what's on my TV in the USA in 2010.

I repeat: A bunch of ideologically enslaved dickheads who don't even watch South Park, or live in America, or have anything to do with anything, determine what's acceptable programming for free people.

I'm sorry, I thought this was America.

More Offensive: Manhattan Mosque or Glenn Beck?

One of the biggest news stories from the American political scene this week has been the continuing public debate about the possibility of a mosque being built a few blocks away from Ground Zero in Manhattan.

And there are really only four camps of thought: You can think the construction of a mosque near Ground Zero is all well and good; that it’s tasteless but legal; that it’s illegal and therefore not allowed; or that legal or illegal, America was attacked by Islam on 9/11 so fuck the Constitution.

However, despite the fact that only the first two possibilities are acceptable answers, it’s the people in the last two camps that have whipped up this frenzy. What country do they think they are living in? This is the land of the free—the place people left bogus countries to escape religious persecution for. This is what makes America special.

If you can’t build a mosque anywhere you want to in this country, well, we might as well get rid of baseball too. In America, you can pray to whichever deity you prefer. That’s kind of the point. That's what makes this not Saudi Arabia, dicknose.

Just like anyone who wants to build a church or a synagogue in this country, once a prospective mosque builder has cleared all the zoning laws and has all his permits, he’s all set. God Bless America.

The building of a mosque near Ground Zero is perfectly legal. I have no problem with people debating whether a mosque there is tasteful or not, although I don’t think that should enter into it either.

There’s already another mosque just four blocks away from Ground Zero, which makes this whole skirmish really retarded. If both represent Islam, which supposedly represents terrorists, why not go protest outside that other mosque too?

So the only asinine option left—unless you're fine with it—is that you don’t want a mosque near Ground Zero because you believe it’s a trophy for the whole Islamic world that attacked us on 9/11 and now wants to rub our noses in it. And if you believe that, odds are you’ll be present at Glenn Beck’s egomania hijacking-history party at the Lincoln Memorial in Washington, D.C., today.

The mosque issue really comes down to a question of tastefulness (or lack thereof), which is precisely how it is with Beck's shindig—not only will the doughy, fear-mongering, born-again Mormon be speaking at a sacred American site, but the exact site (not a few blocks away) and on the exact date of what made it sacred in the first place—Martin Luther King’s “I Have A Dream” speech in 1963.

The Civil Rights struggle and that speech in particular are way more important to America’s history than 9/11. The former was a brave, noble, righteous, necessary, positive action that will benefit future generations for as long as America exists—a struggle for Freedom.

On the other hand, 9/11 didn’t create much enduring positive change in America. Ground Zero and September 11 (the date) are sadly sacred. As evidenced by the Ground Zero mosque reaction, 9/11—although it united us all for about a year—has made us more bitter, more afraid, more divided, and less American.

Obviously, Imam Feisal Abdul Rauf—the man who wants to build the mosque—wouldn’t be granted the land, but hypothetically, if he wanted to build a mosque right on top of Ground Zero, fund it blatantly with money from Hezbollah and throw a big ribbon-cutting party with a special videotaped message from Osama bin Laden on September 11th, 2011, that would be tastelessness of Glenn Beck proportions.

Then and only then would the anti-mosque protesters have a point. And yet that is basically what Beck plans to do today. I understand this is America and he’s allowed to say what he wants, when he wants, where he wants, and that is truly terrific, but today’s Lincoln Memorial gimmick is the most disrespectful thing I’ll likely ever encounter as far as the total desecration of a sacred American site on the anniversary of the day that made it sacred, no less.

And, for what it’s worth, in 2006, before he worked for Fox News, Beck was on Good Morning America with none other than Imam Faisal Abdul Rauf, who, at the time, Beck praised as a moderate Muslim. Drawing a distinction between terrorists and ordinary Muslims, back then Beck said, “I believe it's a small portion of Islam that is acting in these ways.” But recently Beck has denounced the same man as an extremist and referred to the Manhattan mosque as an “Allah-tells-me-to-blow-up-America mosque.”

This mosque controversy has nothing on the way Beck’s getting ready to shit on King’s legacy. Obviously you wouldn’t get that sense based on this past week’s media coverage.

Jesus freaks out in the street

Today’s Beckapalooza will feature thousands of Beck’s racist fans from across the country. But the event is being called “Restoring America’s Honor.” Hmm, a stinking piece of shit given a rosy smelling name. Sound familiar? It reminds me of a short-sighted, unnecessary war called “Operation: Iraqi Freedom,” a pointless and reckless campaign that desperately needed public support. Beck just desperately needs attention.

Speaking of which, that was when America’s honor was actually in question—when our previous retarded elephant regime reacted to 9/11 with a wrong war that killed thousands for no good reason.

The word honor is defined as “honesty, fairness, or integrity in one's beliefs and actions.” Beck’s lynch mob would no doubt disagree, but to me, that sounds more like a description of President Barack Obama than it does Beck, a self-described “rodeo clown” hack who said publicly just last summer, “This president I think has exposed himself, I think, as a guy, over and over again, who has a deep seated hatred for white people or white culture—I don’t know what it is … I’m not saying that he doesn’t like white people; I’m saying he has a problem. This guy is, I believe, a racist.”

Sound honorable?

In fact, Brother Beck—knowing this would be the largest (unofficial) Tea Party rally yet by far—had to urge his followers to leave their racist signs decked out with fabulous swastikas at home this time. If those fuckers showed up the way they usually do for these things, today, at that symbolic place and time, with all their anti-American, Nazi signage, I think the black folks with brains would march down there and kick some bigoted Beck groupie butt.

Interestingly, Beck has some black fans. Most, I assume are not very smart and/or very religious and therefore get fooled by Beck’s daily dramedy of fears, tears, and endless talk about the importance of faith and how America is going down the toilet due to its lack of it.

Beck has found a way to get rich exploiting people’s fears—people who are just slightly more ignorant and misguided than he is. He has no moral fiber; he doesn’t care about Americans or even humanity. He terrorizes the unintelligent among us every day, all day long between his radio and TV shows. Technically, Glenn Beck is a terrorist.

Beck has called it “divine providence” that his 8/28 event was supposedly coincidentally set for this historic date, but that he intends to “reclaim the civil rights movement” as long as he’s there.

But why do these scared, hateful honkies need a civil rights movement? The notion is so bizarre and nonsensical that it’s hilarious. Beck has also promised us a “miracle” will occur at today’s rally. And although I’m sure it was just a ploy to fill the seats with Jesus freaks, if his mindless minions can behave today and appear more-or-less to be without Nazi accessories, I would consider that miraculous.

The unfortunate souls whose minds are controlled by Beck are the same numbskulls protesting a mosque daily in New York City because they think that Islam attacked America on 9/11. Not surprising since figures like Beck earn a living getting them all worked up and freaked out about dark-skinned people like our evil president.

Today’s ill-conceived, ridiculously timed publicity stunt is a total travesty, and a slap in the face to everyone involved in the Civil Rights movement.

Beck has no taste; he has no soul; the content of his character is that of a swindler. Like Fox News, he’s an enemy of America and everything she stands for.

And don’t get me wrong, I think Islam is old-fashioned and gay as Hell—like all religions.

Glenn Beck's Deadly Bullshit

Late on a Saturday night two weeks ago, an unemployed carpenter packed his mother's Toyota Tundra with guns and set off for San Francisco with a plan to kill progressives.

When California Highway Patrol officers stopped him on an interstate in Oakland for driving erratically, Byron Williams, wearing body armor, fired at police with a 9mm handgun, a shotgun and a .308-caliber rifle with armor-piercing bullets, Oakland police say. Shot and captured after injuring two officers, Williams, on parole for bank robbery, told investigators that he wanted "to start a revolution" by "killing people of importance at the Tides Foundation and the ACLU," according to a police affidavit. His mother, Janice, told the San Francisco Chronicle that her son had been watching television news and was upset by "the way Congress was railroading through all these left-wing agenda items."

But what television news show could have directed the troubled man's ire toward the obscure Tides Foundation, which sounds as if it's dedicated to oceanography, or perhaps laundry detergent, but which is in fact a nonprofit that claims to support "sustainability, better education, solutions to the AIDS epidemic and human rights"?

2012: Obama vs. Who?

So it occurs to me that the 2012 general election is gonna be a doozy, even compared to 2008, which was pretty great.

Obama's '08 campaign was nearly flawless and although McCain/Palin were a total disaster and a goddamn disgrace, it was fun to watch them jabber on. Hillary was another somewhat interesting story, but her campaign was a snooze-fest for the most part.

The best stuff in '08 was Sarah Palin related. And her inevitable return for 2012 is a big part of what's gonna make it super awesome.

Think about it. Obama's approval rating will most likely be as low as it is now (44%) but probably even lower. The economy will still be pretty shitty & that's always the worst thing for an incumbent (unprecedented, massive oil spills don't help either). Obama will be totally stripped of his cool new guy appeal too, so that will even the playing field and make it a lot easier for Republicans to compete. All they'll need to be able to contend is a serious contender.

So, besides Palin, who is there?

Late last year & earlier this year, when Dick Cheney emerged from his dungeon several times to criticize Obama's foreign policy and publicly pray for another terrorist attack in the US, I hadn't counted him out as a serious possibility, but now, given his latest heart problems, I think we can definitely rule him out. Shit, he'd be due for a new LVAD pump--at the very latest--in the middle of his fourth year in office! Bottom line: The only thing Cheney should be planning for these days is his own vampire-themed funeral. You can't not have a pulse and be president; everyone knows that.

As early as last fall, I had a strong feeling that we could see a Gen. David Petraeus 2012 run, but in the aftermath of Gen. Stanley McChrystal's epic selfing in the June 22 Rolling Stone issue, Obama was able to effectively cancel out the possibility of Petraeus 2012 by giving him McChrystal's old job--Afghanistan. Two birds, one stone. You can't honorably abandon your post conducting a major war to run for president; everyone knows that.

And then there's Mitt Romney. He's got a sweet resume, but the country's already totally sick of him. And besides, he's Mormon. You can't be Mormon and be president; everyone knows that.

Nationally-unknown Minnesota Gov. Tim Pawlenty will do better than Mitt. Like Palin, he's formed a PAC and is essentially already running, but he'll get lost in the glare of her freak show. At least he's not Mormon, gawd.

I think we'll definitely see the return of farty ol' Newt Gingrich, who, just a couple weeks ago said, "I've never been this serious" about running for president. He'd be in the fray, but only if this next guy doesn't run, which he probably should; the table is set for him to swoop in and take this thing.

Jeb Bush is the Luke Skywalker of the pack. Mark my words, he is gonna go to war with Obama when the Fox News Tea Party sideshow candidate eventually loses the GOP nomination because although a third of America will love the heck out of her dumb folksy ass, two-thirds will still think--as they do today-- that she is bat-shit crazy.

As it was in 2008, leading up to 2012 the country will be perfectly divided again, wanting change again, and our options are gonna be pretty much more of the same again: The guy we've had the last four bummer years again or another Bush.. again. The problem for Obama and Democrats is that this Bush is the smart one.

And despite America's lingering "Bush fatigue" (referenced in the same 7/21 Quinnipiac poll that says Obama's approval is 44%), I think his familiar looks could work to his advantage among Americans who've never heard of him--kind of like the Schwarzenegger Effect. And it wouldn't take many national TV appearances for Jeb to show that he's not his brother.

Hence, the epic battle I'm predicting if it comes down to these two well-matched opponents.

The good news for Obama is that he'll be able to say he was the first president, among many who tried, to get landmark health care reform accomplished. He'll claim he saved us from total economic ruin with the stimulus, and cleaned up Wall $treet a little bit. These are all good things that sound good that will no doubt be refuted by the elephant candidate.

Obama's accomplished more than most presidents do in a term or two in one-and-a-half years, but most Americans still agree that he kind of sucks. A lot of people think he is too intellectual, diplomatic and European for an American president. In a sense, all he's missing is a pair of George W. Bush balls.

Jeb would be a helluva formidable opponent at what could be a very vulnerable time for Obama. Jeb's got executive experience, (hurricane) crisis experience, Tea Party cred, and is popular in politically-important Florida, as well as among Hispanics, which is an exceedingly non-existent commodity among Republicans these days.

And there are a lot of Hispanics in the U-S of A. Not to mention independents, who may be ready to swing back the other way. According to last Wednesday’s poll: "By a stunning 52 percent to 38 percent, independent voters disapprove of Obama. And by 37 to 27 percent, independents say they would vote for a Republican contender in 2012."

Obama could definitely be toast this next time around. It’s gonna be a good one.